$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
