I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
