im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
