The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
