I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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