Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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