guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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