my mouth tastes like poor choices
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
