So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
