you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
