My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
