These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
