1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
