i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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