Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
