i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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