hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
