his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
