forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
