did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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