She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
