Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
