Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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