Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
