Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
