OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
