The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
