You're completely useless in the revolution.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
