life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
