Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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