I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
