areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
