Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
