Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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