Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
