dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
