This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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