I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
