how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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