Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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