Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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