I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
