what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
