last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I am morally bankrupt
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
