Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
