I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
where are you?
Hypothermia
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
