I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
