Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
