She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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