The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
