So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
