He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
